It occurred to me that I might not be doing
the whole review-a-film-a-week-thing properly.
So, I looked up on the internet how to review
a film properly.
According to Wikihow, this is what I ought to
be doing. I’m now going to test this vastly unexplored step-by-step guide on Roberta, my film for this week.
So without any further ado, How to Write a Proper Film Review
according to Wikihow:
Step one: Gather basic facts about the film
Roberta
is a classic black and white Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers musical released in
1935, about two couples who meet in Paris and fall in love, whilst trying to
deal with the everyday running of the strikingly important (yet really very
unknown) fashion label, Roberta. Oh, someone’s Aunt dies about half an hour in.
Step two: Take notes on the film as you watch it
Whoops.
Step three: Consider the mechanics of the film. During
and after the film, ask yourself what impression the film left with you.
Define mechanics?
It left enough of an impression with me to
attempt Fred Astaire style tap dancing in the shower afterwards.
Step four: Write down your thoughts
Well actually I thought it was sexist. The way
women are paraded about for a good ten minutes at the ‘high point’ of the film,
just enforcing the view that constantly caring about if what you wear is fashionable
is the only way to find happiness. And then there are the two dimensional characters.
The femme-fatale nightclub singer who we all know has a romantic side. The
modest assistant who actually the girl we all root for. The conniving bitch.
But aren’t we supposed to let that all go in a
musical? When the heroine flops into an armchair sighing resignedly at the end
of a film ‘Well I suppose I’ll have give in and marry you then’, isn’t that
just representative of when Marie Curie and Amelia Earhart just threw away
their careers for the men they loved? Do you really think I’m naïve enough to
believe that in a society that actively stopped married women from working,
such as the one Roberta was received
in, they just carried on singing in nightclubs together for the rest of their
days? Or did Roger’s character forsake all her dreams about being a famous
singer for a life where she was mercy to the wishes and whims of her husband?
No of course not, but it’s a sodding musical.
Just suck it up and accept that marriage, both now and in 1935, is considered
part of a woman’s ‘happy ending’. Gawd.
It’s okay, anyway, the women may be two
dimensional, and the most interesting character in the whole film killed
off half an hour in, but the men aren’t much better.
Step five: If you want to make sure your understanding
about the film is complete, re-watch the film.
Scratch that. If you want a really good
Astaire-Rogers musical I suggest Carefree
(1938). Both Astaire and Rogers have bigger roles in this one; it’s fairly unconventional,
surprising and hilarious. Next to Carefree,
Roberta feels like Astaire and Rogers
are just token actors cast to make the film sell.
Step six: Begin writing the review
Awkward.
Step seven: Provide and overview of the plot, but keep
it contained
Haven’t I already done that bit?
Step eight: Critique the film
…
Step nine: Purchase the Llama and make it dance in a
square. When in doubt eat a digestive biscuit.
What? That wasn’t on the website?
You’re right! The more astute of you will have
realised by now that I don’t actually hope to learn anything from this (because
who is Wikihow to tell me, or in fact anyone, how to go on?). But let’s stick
to the script for now.
Step ten: End the review with something memorable
“YOU’RE MOM’S CHEST HAIR!”
-- Janis Ian, Mean Girls
Step eleven: Read through the review.
I’ll leave that particular pleasure to you,
the reader. Meanwhile, I’m skipping off into next week to review The Breakfast Club. Auf Wiedersehen.
Next Week- The Breakfast Club (1985)
